Asking For Love…

I should have held you tighter in my arms during your worst days to keep your pieces together. I should have held your hands longer to keep them warm in this rather cold world. I should have caught up with you, tried to walk side by side with you, just to make you feel that you will always have someone to walk this world with.

I should have tried harder to learn the art of finding the right distance, to make sure that I will not be too close to suffocate you and not too far to make you feel like you are alone because, my love, you will always have me.

I should have stared at your face a little longer that night when all we did was be happy, when all we did was be us. I should have ingrained every detail of everything you are into my mind and heart.

My love, with all the goodness that remains in my heart, I hope you find your way back to yourself again…💕

Broken…

I feel rejected. I feel numb, it feels like my sense of self and balance is absolutely gone. Life has its share of hardships but rejection and in-turn revenge are extremely hard to cope with. Since the past few days, I have been struggling really bad with anxiety and to some extent panic attacks. I am all alone and dealing with this extremely jolting pain all by myself is getting out of hand, slowly and I can feel it. And the worst part is, as much as I want to get it out, but I cannot even share with anyone. Anyone at all. I am broken. From within. Shattered.

I feel like I am caught up in the stormy brain chemistry of rejection and loss where I feel zero self-worth and I am almost on the verge of depression. I feel I am not needed, and I have no worth or value for anyone in my life. I already am having a lot of anxiety, a feeling of addiction and deprivation, plus an overwhelming drive to finish this life altogether. I want to combat the real emotional pain of rejection and loss, but the struggle that life has become is making it impossible for me to just hold on to life itself.

I feel like a needy fool. This ordeal is just gutting me inside out. I feel like I am going down the drain and I cannot help it. I feel rejected, sad and total loss of self-belief and love. I feel broken…

I Love You And I Mean It…

“I Love You…”

When I say, “I love you”, it is like that silent poetry which throbs inside my heart and this feeling just cannot be uttered in 3 short words or 30,000 for that matter. Whenever I try to describe the way I feel for you, every word just seems trite and hollow. As a matter of fact, there have been times when I’ve felt the whole English language is just plain insufficient to describe this feeling inside of me.

Tonight, this thought crossed my mind; a thought of writing it all in an uncut version of sorts, maybe this way when I pour my heart out, you’d really understand the amount of love I have in me, for you. Maybe when you’ll ultimately read these lines, then you’ll understand where I am coming from. I am coming from a place where pain and happiness run together, where lovers die in each other’s arms and are then born again…to be with each other. I just want you to actually feel all of this, and more.

I love you. And although on the face of it, these words seem like something that every lover has told to their loved ones but what it really means is I want you. From the very first day I saw you, to this day, I have always wanted you like I’ve never wanted anyone, ever. When I say, “I love you”, I mean you’re really beautiful. You’re terrific, gorgeous in your heels and in all your glittering finery and even more so, in whatever way I see you. You’re beautiful even when you’re not trying at all, and you’re oh so attractive when you just let it all go and just be carelessly, naturally you. Looking at you each time just makes me go absolutely speechless. It is like a sunset reflected in still water, or a starry night up there in the Himalayas, so clear that you can actually see the Milky way spread across the night-sky.

I literally love everything about you – the way you walk, the way you talk, the way you are, your body, your style, that elegance. I absolutely love each and every little detail about you. Even when you’re not saying anything, just the company is what speaks. And it feels so peaceful, so worth it. When you walk, I feel like there is a particular rhythm to it, and an elegance. It is like you embody the very definition of “pure woman”, right from the beautiful curls of your hair to your ankles and toes.

And then, when I say, “I love you”, I mean, all of you, just the very way you are. I love your silliness or your playfulness, how easily you can laugh and how comfortable I feel around you. I love your honesty, I love how you really talk. Your fears. Your words. Your voice. Your smile. Your eyes & those beautiful lips. By “I love you”, what I really mean is that I trust you. And I respect you. I admire you. And I absolutely adore you.

I’ve been hurt enough in my life, and you are not inexperienced yourself when it comes to heartbreaks. So, when I say, “I love you”, I mean I want to be the one you turn to when you’re hurting. I want to be the one who listens, because, I absolutely love listening to you. Just looking at you speak can make my day so worth it. I want to hold you in my arms and take care of you. I want you to know that in this constantly changing world, there is someone whom you can really believe in, someone who will be your pillar of trust.

I can go on writing so much more, but all I want you to know is that I have a place here inside my heart for you. Yes, I LOVE YOU…

Why I Love Travelling…

I am a photographer by profession and an explorer by heart & passion. I have loved travel for as long as I can remember. My parents instilled it in me without even really trying for it. Since, my father was in the defense forces, it meant constant shifting from one state to other in a span of 3 odd years or so. I am thankful to the transferable service that my father had, I could proudly boast of seeing sights that many of us do not even get to imagine.

But, if I seriously think about it, I think the proverbial travel bug bit me when I was in high-school. It was a school trip, and I cannot even begin to say the kind of fun I had in the trip, and the kind of high that it gave me. Was I in love with the places that I travel to? O absolutely! But more so, I am in love with the entire of experience of travelling itself. I just cannot get enough of it. I want to see as much as I possibly can in this one life that I have been given by the Almighty. This is, I think how true love feels. This is the kind of love that absolutely consumes you, that pains you to be away from. That kind of love that lasts for an eternity.

Since the first journey that I took, I have been just hooked onto it. And from there it has just grown. I have travelled to many different places, and in many different ways – I’ve taken buses, I have taken trains, air travel as well. And I have trekked to places where automobiles could not reach. I think, in this entire process, I have also discovered my preferences as far as travelling is concerned, since I have travelled solo (mostly), in a group, and even with family. But, what I love the most is travelling independently & solo. And to places that are rich in culture. Yes, my heart is completely biased when it comes to the Himalays, but I take pleasure in visiting other places as well.

As much as I can, I make it my priority to travel & see different places and experience different cultures & traditions. It not only makes me happy but I also feel it fulfills me in a different level altogether. Each of my travels has changed me, for good. It has not only shown me a lot of different landscapes, made me meet a lot of new people, but it has also taught me to be patient, to be calm & ofcourse how to actually enjoy my own company. Some-day, I would love to travel full-time, but for now the arrangement which I have works perfectly for me.

Like everything, I enjoy sharing my travel experiences with my friends & family and I hope through my stories, you would also motivate and inspire your own self to go out, discover places which are waiting to be discovered…

I wish I would’ve found you sooner…

I wish I met you earlier; a lot earlier. Even before I knew what love is. You know ever since we met, I knew it was special. That the way we talk and laugh around each other is different than everybody else. That I will never meet anyone I can trust as much as I trust you. You know what I think? I think most people search their whole lives to find what I’ve already found in you. There are times I think, you and I share the sort of bond that people make movies about, and writers write novels about.

I know all this might sound a little too much for you, a little too romantic perhaps, but I think, by now you know that my world revolves around romance. All the little adventures that I’ve had with you, each one of them is worth remembering for each one is a memory so sweet that it makes my eyes moist when I think about it all. No, not with sadness or depression, but because my heart feels you right here, with me, each moment. Everyday.

I have been in love before but the kind of passion, the kind of affection I have found in you is so amazing that I feel I have fallen in love for the first time. I love you more than you’ll ever know. It is often said, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love brings you a fairy tale. Well, my lady, this does feel like that fairy tale. I also know that there are times when I irritate you and perhaps annoy you even, but you know what? It is such a great feeling to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life, and believe me when I say, my heart has found that person. At last.

Words just keep flowing when I think about you. Your smile is the sweetest one I have ever seen, your voice is the sexiest I have ever heard; yes, it turns me on and you very well know it. If there is a touch that stirs the deepest crevices of my heart, it’s that warm touch of yours. I have always believed that there are certain things in life which are meant to be, and that is our heart’s calling; what we mere mortals also call ‘destiny’.

You know, when you find someone who can make you laugh, smile, grow, lust, want, crave, feel. Make you mad but happy. Irritates you but want to love you more. Keep that because that is Euphoria. That is love. And as I pen down all these feelings, all I want to say is, if ever there is a tomorrow when we are not together, there is something which you must always keep close to your heart, something which you must remember. You are braver than you believe and stronger than you think. My heart shall always love you, no matter what life holds ahead for us. Please let me love you, if not for the rest of your life, then for the rest of mine. I Love You…